Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You dont lie about slip and slides
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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