if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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