Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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