I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's blow job season.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
