Yo dont text me then not text me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
