I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
