I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
