i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
