you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
