Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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