Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My balls are so social today.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
