Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
