I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
