Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
