two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We got so high we made milksteak
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
