I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
