I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize