So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
