I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
