Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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