so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
