Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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