I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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