Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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