What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
