I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
