loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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