So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
