yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
