You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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