the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
