How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I color on your dick again?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
