I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Too much gin, very little bucket
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
