so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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