I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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