it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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