I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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