You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
