I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
