After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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