and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
