I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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