btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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