we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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