I puked a lego.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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