I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
