just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
