I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
