i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Duck Duck Cougar?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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