seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
