So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
