Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
