just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
