I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
