at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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