Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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