I cockslap morals
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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