Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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