Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
