i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Welp...herpes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
