I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
