Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize