no, he came in my armpit
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
