why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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