There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
