It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
