She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
