My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want her autograph on my taint
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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