i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
