I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
