while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So apparently I’m into choking now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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