dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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